


Never Knows When She's All Gone

by Jamie_Angel



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Bonding, Bronan, F/M, M/M, Menstruation, blue is on her period and the boys have no clue how to react, no other friendship gives me as much joy as bronan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28731318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamie_Angel/pseuds/Jamie_Angel
Summary: Blue had started her period.Now, this wasn’t an unusual thing. She started her period every month at roughly the same time. No, the unusual thing about this particular time she started her period, was how much worse it was. When she woke up that morning, she immediately darted to the bathroom, barging Orla out of the way, to clean herself up.She’d gotten dressed – barely – after swallowing ibuprofen with one of Maura’s repulsive tea. She dressed for comfort, in a long skirt with a layer of tulle and another skirt, this one shredded, attached; her usual clunky boots; and a band t-shirt she had stolen from Mr Gray. She was lying in bed, hot water bottle lying on her stomach, when Calla’s voice floats up the stairs to her.“She’s ill.” Calla snaps. “She can’t come out today.”A voice oh so well-known to her follows Calla’s, words unintelligible. The honeyed tones, though, are unmistakable.[AKA the one where Blue, a girl, has to deal with her period while being surrounded by boys. because its unrealistic that she never once got it in the books]
Relationships: Noah Czerny & Richard Gansey III & Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent, Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish, the gangsey - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 152





	Never Knows When She's All Gone

**Author's Note:**

> title from Honey and Glass by Peyton Cardoza
> 
> LIStEn ok, listen to me. i was on my period when i wrote this. i also cried while writing it because i don't have friends to take care of it (we in a pandemmy)
> 
> i was going to put this in my upcoming fic What If, but since the premise What If... Blue had her period isn't outlandish and is literally something that should've happened in cannon, it became its own fic.

Blue had started her period.  
  
Now, this wasn’t an unusual thing. She started her period every month at roughly the same time. No, the unusual thing about this _particular_ time she started her period, was how much _worse_ it was. When she woke up that morning, she immediately darted to the bathroom, barging Orla out of the way, to clean herself up.  
  
She’d gotten dressed – barely – after swallowing ibuprofen with one of Maura’s repulsive tea. She dressed for comfort, in a long skirt with a layer of tulle and another skirt, this one shredded, attached; her usual clunky boots; and a band t-shirt she had stolen from Mr Gray. She was lying in bed, hot water bottle lying on her stomach, when Calla’s voice floats up the stairs to her.  
  
“She’s ill.” Calla snaps. “She can’t come out today.”  
  
A voice oh so well-known to her follows Calla’s, words unintelligible. The honeyed tones, though, are unmistakable.  
  
Blue yells, in a half-call, half-groan, “Calla, who’s at the door?”   
  
But she already knows. Her thoughts are only cemented when Calla answers, “Your boys are here.”  
  
“I’ll be down in a minute!” She calls, reluctantly shifting the hot water bottle of her stomach. She immediately misses its presence. She pops her head into Orla’s room. “Can I borrow a bag?”  
  
Orla, on the phone with a client, nods silently, and reaches for the closest one – a tiny leather backpack – and throws it to Blue.  
  
Before going downstairs, she stops off at the bathroom to stock up on pads. If she’s going out with the boys... well, she’ll need to be able to change. If she runs out, she can hardly say, _Hey, I need to go home because I’m currently bleeding out of my vagina and I didn’t prepare properly._ Not with any dignity, anyway.  
  
Cramps grip at her while she makes her way downstairs, but she tries to play it off coolly. She doesn’t need to writhe around in agony. Really, it wasn’t that bad. She paused as she felt her uterus having the life squeezed out of it. Ok, maybe it was that bad. She continued walking until she could rest against the wall and regard the boys stood at the threshold.  
  
“Where are we going?” She asked. She didn’t really want to go out into the forests of Henrietta, not in her current state. Yet, she wouldn’t object if they were. There wasn’t any need to draw attention to how _other_ she was from the boys.  
  
“Monmouth, for now.” Adam said. He was standing behind Gansey and Ronan, the latter of which was taking up as much space as possible. “Gansey has gotten Helen to get us airborne.”  
  
“Alright.”  
  
Calla walked away, with a final hostile glare toward Ronan. Over her shoulder, she called, “Be back for dinner.”  
  
___  
  
Blue spent the entire car ride extremely nervous. She was paranoid that she’d bleed through her 3 layers of skirts and onto the Camaro’s expensive leather seats. Ronan had shoved his feet into the back of driver’s seat as he and Gansey argued about Ronan’s music taste. That was, Gansey was saying it didn’t classify as music, and Ronan was telling him, rather eloquently, _fuck off_. Adam, though, was watching Blue in the rear view mirror. He had a furrow between his eyebrows.  
  
Blue squirmed in her seat, resisting the urge to double over from pain, instead squeezing her thighs together uselessly.  
  
When the Camaro pulled up to the overgrown Monmouth car park, Adam opened Blue’s door for her. She suspected it was a way to pull her aside, not chivalry. Well, she hoped it wasn’t chivalry.   
  
She seemed to be correct, because, as she stepped out, Adam leaned down and asked in a hushed whisper, “What’s up with you.”  
  
“What?”   
  
He looked at her disapprovingly, “There’s something wrong. You’re acting weird.”  
  
She defences instantly. She didn’t want to be treated like a china doll just because she menstruated. To her core, she was no different than the boys. She was rowdy like Noah, she spoke her mind like Ronan, she was enthusiastic like Gansey, she was sensible like Adam. She was Blue, and she refused to be treated differently.   
  
“I’m fine, Adam.” She snapped, then internally cringed. She’d gone all snappy and rude because she of mood fluctuations, fulfilling every terrible stereotype of women on their period.  
  
Swallowing down more mean comments, she stomped away to where Ronan and Gansey stood and raised one hand to cover her eyes as she looked toward the sky. “When’s Helen getting here?” she asked, her other hand idly coming to rest at the end of her torso.  
  
Gansey looked at his watch, “Sometime in the next half-hour.”  
  
Blue dearly regrets not taking more ibuprofen before leaving home. Cramps are something she has to deal with monthly, but occasionally – such as this occasion – they’re completely unbearable. They feel like someone has taken a blunt knife to her insides. No, not a blunt knife, maybe a knitting needle, jabbing at her all over. So, not a good feeling.  
  
“I need to use the bathroom.” She said, starting toward the door of Monmouth.  
  
“Do you want me to carry your bag for you?” Gansey asked, already holding his hand out. She hadn’t realised he had noticed.  
  
“I’m good.” She told him, grasping onto the bag strap as though it were a life line.  
  
Gansey frowns, but doesn’t push the subject. He allows her to walk upstairs into the eerily quiet Monmouth and into the kitchen/bathroom/laundry/ room. Every movement sounds too loud. She’s acutely aware of the tear of the pad, the crinkle of attaching it to the inside of her underwear.  
  
She has an entire conflict about what to do with the used pad. The boys would surely figure out what it was if she put it in the trash, but she could hardly just put it in her bag. Telling herself it was no big deal, she tossed it in the boy’s trashcan.  
  
By the time she rejoined them outside, Noah had appeared. He bounded over to her, patting her hair. She had to forcibly stop herself snapping at him. Instead, she said very quietly, “I don’t really want to be touched right now.”  
  
Noah blinked in surprise, but backed off a healthy five paces. Ronan’s eyes snared on the interaction, and he sneered, “You actually sick then?”  
  
“In a way.” She said, because she wasn’t _sick_ sick, not in an ill way, but she wasn’t entirely not-ill either.  
  
His eyes narrowed, “It wasn’t a lie that the witch told us?”  
  
“Calla isn’t a liar.” But she’s used to going round-about the truth when it came to this kind of thing. “Just like you.”  
  
“I’m no witch.” He said, but he didn’t deny that were similar.   
  
“Neither is she.” Blue said coolly.  
  
He raised one eyebrow at her sudden frigid tone, “You’re right. A witch would’ve been able to fix whatever’s fucking you up.”  
  
She shrugged off the implication that he cares whether she’s fucked up or not. “It’s a shame that witches don’t exist, isn’t it?”  
  
Ronan’s lip curled upwards, his own attitude spurred on my Blue’s snappish words. “If it’d stop you being a bitch, yeah, shame.”  
  
“Why do you use bitch like an insult?” She asked, derailing the conversation entirely into a territory Ronan had already heard a dozen times. “And why is women having emotions looked down on? Oh, I suck because I’m not completely emotionless – that’s not even how it works. I’d get called a bitch no matter what I did, because society has equated women’s emotions to mean the same thing as an insult.”  
  
To Gansey, Ronan said, “Call Helen. Tell her to cancel the helicopter.”  
  
Blue felt the nearly irresistible urge to stamp her foot. “What? Why?”  
  
Ronan stalked toward her, then looked down at her condescendingly. She refused to back down looking his stare. “What’s up with you Sargent.”  
  
Sudden, unrelenting anger rose up in her chest, at his insistence. Why did he suddenly care so much? “You want to know, Ronan? I’m on my period. Happy?”  
  
His eyes widened slightly, and she felt a smug sort of satisfaction at the uncomfortable surprise in his expression. “Shit, Maggot. Sorry?”  
  
An apology from Ronan was very un-Ronan like. “I don’t need to be coddled. I’m fine.”  
  
From somewhere behind her, Gansey said “Sorry he pried, Jane. Do you want me to cancel Helen?”  
  
She was about to protest that, _I just said I don’t need to be coddled,_ but a wave of nausea rolled over her. That, combined with the constant griping pains of her cramps, had her hand jerking out to grab something – which happened to be Ronan’s arm – to stabilise herself.   
  
“Yeah. Cancel Helen – Jesus Christ.” She swore and curled in on herself as much as she could while standing, and with one hand gripping Ronan’s bicep tight enough to bruise. One of his hands steadied her, and the gesture of concern shocked her. She asked, “I left my hot water bottle at home. Can we just go upstairs?”  
  
Ronan looked back at Gansey, who was already talking apologetically on his phone, and then back at her. Her reluctance to be treated differently must’ve registered, because he said, “Just let go of my arm. I’m not carrying you up the fucking stairs.”  
  
She let go almost immediately, not having realised that she was still holding on. Little crescents ring his bicep. Feeling guilty, she opens her mouth to apologise, but he sends her a warning look, and she closes her mouth.   
  
Adam and Noah follow them up the stairs to Monmouth, talking idly as if her exclamation never happened, which she really appreciates. Embarrassment was already a coiling, monstrous thing in the pit of her stomach, and anything they could say would’ve made it ten times.   
  
They had all settled on the sofa by the time Gansey came back in, Blue stretched out across the entire thing, her tiny body guaranteeing space for Ronan’s left leg (his right leg held both of Blue’s booted feet). Adam’s legs supported her shoulders while her head rested on the arm rest of the couch. Noah had deigned to sit cross legged just next to Adam’s legs.  
  
“What are we watching, then?” Gansey asked. He stood and frowned at the three of them on the couch, before dragging a chair over and sitting in that instead.  
  
“Dunno.” Ronan handed Blue the TV remote. She navigated through Netflix quickly, skipping over most things.  
  
“This sucks.” Blue complained, still scrolling. “Why do you pay for this when there aren’t even any movies to watch?”  
  
Adam sighed. “Don’t ask me.”  
  
“That’s why I didn’t ask you. Gansey, why did you pay for this? You don’t actually use it.”  
  
Gansey worried his bottom lip as he thought about it. Rather plainly, he said, “I don’t know, actually. I watch documentaries on it sometimes. Ronan has the password, but I don’t he uses it-”  
  
“I watched Jessica Jones on it, so fuck you.” Ronan interrupted  
  
“I stand corrected. But, no, I actually don’t know why we keep it.”  
  
Blue milled over this, before shrugging and continuing to scroll through the horror movie section of Netflix. After criticising the covers of each and every one of them, Noah said “Why don’t we watch something bad on purpose.  
  
And so Blue navigated to the first rom-com she could see and started it. Before the intro had even begun, she asked “Any predictions?”  
  
“Woman from the city meets guy from the country who teaches her the meaning of love.” Adam said.  
  
“Sexual harassment, but they make it romantic.” Noah suggested.  
  
“Straight people.” Ronan said scathingly.  
  
“Straight white people.” Blue corrected, folding her arms across her stomach.  
  
Gansey shook his head but just kept his eyes trained on the TV. Ronan tilted his head back and closed his eyes. In less than a minute, before the bland-looking protagonist had even appeared on screen, his breathing evened out. Blue nudged Adam in the ribs with her elbow.  
  
Incredulously, but with a certain fondness, he asked, “Did he just go to sleep.”  
  
Noah snorted, “Wow.”  
  
___  
  
The film was almost over before Ronan woke. His eyes snapped open, but other than that, his body didn’t move. It was as if every muscle was tensed to run, to flee, but he couldn’t. Clutched tight in his hand was something Blue couldn’t quiet see. Gently, she toed at his side with her boot. “Ronan?”  
  
“Give me a minute, asshole.” Muscle by muscle, he moved every muscle, starting with flexing his fingers, then stretching out his spine. “Takes me a minute to come back to my body.”  
  
Her eyebrows shoot up, “You were dreaming?”  
  
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he takes his time stretching out his legs and rotating his neck this way and that until it cracks noisily, drowning out the hushed love confession on screen. Then he finally let go of the object, dropping it onto Blue’s legs.  
  
What was previously unidentifiable came into shape for her. It was a tiny hot water bottle, perfectly able to fit into the palm of her hand. Affection and gratitude bloomed in her chest in a way she never would have associated with Ronan.  
  
“You said you left your other one at the witch’s den.” Did he sound embarrassed?   
  
She let a slow smile stretch over her lips, “Ronan, do you...care about me?”  
  
“Don’t be fucking stupid.” He said, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes.  
  
She nudged the toes of her boots under his ribs playfully. “You do! I finally got you to admit it.”  
  
“I didn’t admit shit.” He said defiantly. “You’re fucking annoying.”  
  
In a sing-song voice, Blue said. “You never said you don’t like me. I’ve caught on, Ronan. I’m your friend.”  
  
With an exaggerated eye roll, he dislodged her foot from his lap, sending it clunking down onto the floor. She grumbled and put it back. He knocked it off again. It went like this for a while before Noah reached over them both to turn off the rom-com, which had just gone to the credits.   
  
“What do we do no2?” Adam asked Blue.  
  
She shrugged. It was an odd and uncomfortable thing to do while horizontal, because he shoulder blades jabbed into Adam’s thigh and it didn’t even look like a shrug. “Another movie?”  
  
“I don’t think I can suffer through another cheesy rom-com.” Noah commented casually. “Do we have any food?”  
  
“I don’t think so.” Gansey said, but got to his feet anyway. He went to the kitchen/bathroom/laundry room and rooted about for a minute. “No, nothing. We could go to Nino’s?”  
  
He looks at Blue and she bites down on her lip indecisively. On one hand, she _really_ wants something sweet enough to immediately give her a cavity. On the other hand, she doesn’t want to risk bleeding onto the fancy seats of the Pig. Or the seats of Nino’s.  
  
“Can we get it to go?”  
  
Gansey grabs his car keys off a low table overflowing with paper. “Of course we can, Jane.”  
  
___  
  
Blue didn’t know how to feel about the pastries. They were deep friend with enough oil to clog a rhino’s arteries. They were also paid for by every member of the group in an even capacity (except for Noah. Ghosts cannot eat, nor do they carry pocket change.) It was a miracle Gansey didn’t insist on paying. He took one look at Blue’s severe expression and asked Adam if he was ok with them all paying evenly.   
  
Now, they were sprawled on the burnt Henrietta grass. The sky was dimming subtly, and Blue was pointing out faint constellation in the sky and flicking pastry crumbs onto Ronan’s face when he made nasty comments.  
  
The tiny hot water bottle has worked really well, Blue finds, even if she keeps having to alternate between using Noah’s hand as an ice pack and the hot water bottle itself. It’s a mutually beneficial thing – Blue gets to use Noah as a personal pain reliever, and he gets to be more connected to this plane of existence.   
  
Blue also has her fingers tangled with Gansey’s. No one has commented on it. No one’s commented on the fact that Ronan’s head is leaning against Adam’s shoulder.   
  
“Oh,” Blue says suddenly, drawing everyone’s eyes to her. “I’ve missed dinner. Calla’s going to be mad.” She doesn’t sound like that’s the worst thing in the world.  
  
“Do you want to go home?” Gansey asks.  
  
“No.”  
  
And that’s that. Blue continues to point out stars. Ronan continues to call her weird for knowing so much about stars. Gansey keeps telling them the stories behind specific constellations. Adam keeps explaining the science of stars. Noah keeps admiring the beauty that is all his friends together, young and happy and together.


End file.
